Friday Diatribe: Rose Red

RoseRed

Wanna know what gripes Dr. Ding’s ass at the moment? No, it’s not the recession, internecine warfare in Africa, healthcare reform reactionaries, or the fact that I’m almost out of Cherry Coke Zero.

What gripes my ass is the fact that I got suckered into watching a four-hour Stephen King miniseries on SyFy last night called “Rose Red“. It sucked trucknutz at 500 psi and yet I could not look away. Could. Not.

Ready for part 2 of this courageous story of one woman’s struggle against reality? I tried to dye my hair a vibrant shade of red today, and it turned out babyshit brown intead of “Intense Dark Red” as L’Oreal promised.

It’s a goddamned miracle that Dr. Ding has survived such onslaughts to her delicate and particular aesthetic! I should be featured in Woman’s Day magazine wearing a sensible light-blue boatneck top, looking like I got my beliefs straight out of Wal-Mart book club’s Pick of the Month or some shit, as I breathtakingly describe my epic battles against the fearsome powers of the TV remote and the hair dye. It would be a story for Everywoman, with a healing message containing the wisdom of the ages.

Look for it.

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7 Responses to Friday Diatribe: Rose Red

  1. Vikki says:

    Your suffering is epic! It should at least qualify for a Lifetime movie.

  2. Menchuvian says:

    Where does one donate to get a ribbon or nifty rubber bracelet? Oh, and to ease your suffering, of course.

  3. ndbeasle says:

    This day will live in infamy.

  4. E. Gary Gygax says:

    When and where can I read the adventures of Tits Magillicutty?
    Thank you.

  5. askdrding says:

    I appreciate the support y’all have given me for my acute suffering. And indeed…this day shall live in infamy! Oh, the humanity!

    Dear Gary Gygax: It’s FISTS McGillicuddy, and it’s Dungeons & Motherfuckin’ Dragons, yo. Peace!

  6. Rose Red! Oh, lordy, tell me you didn’t?! Shamefully, I did, too. With a friend even. It may have been 4 hours but I swear, it felt like more.

    I bet it’s a question on one of those wacky insurance forms — Have you ever watched Red Rose? and they take a year off your projected life expectancy for every hour you got through, all the while thinking ‘Ha! Sucker. Bring out the extra big premiums play book’.

    But it’s not like I’m bitter at all.

  7. askdrding says:

    Yeah, me neither Catatonic Kid. I just want those four hours of my life back. :/

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