Wanna know what gripes Dr. Ding’s ass at the moment? No, it’s not the recession, internecine warfare in Africa, healthcare reform reactionaries, or the fact that I’m almost out of Cherry Coke Zero.
What gripes my ass is the fact that I got suckered into watching a four-hour Stephen King miniseries on SyFy last night called “Rose Red“. It sucked trucknutz at 500 psi and yet I could not look away. Could. Not.
Ready for part 2 of this courageous story of one woman’s struggle against reality? I tried to dye my hair a vibrant shade of red today, and it turned out babyshit brown intead of “Intense Dark Red” as L’Oreal promised.
It’s a goddamned miracle that Dr. Ding has survived such onslaughts to her delicate and particular aesthetic! I should be featured in Woman’s Day magazine wearing a sensible light-blue boatneck top, looking like I got my beliefs straight out of Wal-Mart book club’s Pick of the Month or some shit, as I breathtakingly describe my epic battles against the fearsome powers of the TV remote and the hair dye. It would be a story for Everywoman, with a healing message containing the wisdom of the ages.
Look for it.