Firing Your Boss
Dearest darlingest Dingers, Dingerites and uh Dinguses.
Dr. Ding has had teh drama lately. As some of you may know, I fired my old employer in May 2008, got a new job and then fired said new employer. In the meantime I applied for a longshot “dream” job back in Denver, got it, and after much consternation turned it down because it didn’t pay what my services are worth. I now have an entirely new job. Seems I’m living the Buddhist blessing-curse of “May you live in interesting times” here lately in regards to work.
This post was inspired by a recent discussion with JJ4TLR here in Houston where she talked about being accountable for one’s gifts and about accepting responsibility for maintaining one’s prosperity. Check out this article for more on that notion.
Back 10 years ago when I was but a fledgling shrinklet, I would undercharge for my services, thinking myself lucky just to have the bidness. Not so anymore. I’m no longer willing to accept anything less than what my services are worth, period. That doesn’t mean I won’t do some pro-bono work or that I won’t occasionally donate my time to provide inservice trainings to agencies with true needs; in fact I do both. But I no longer undercut myself financially due to a continual existential mood of spiritual inadequacy, feeling like “I owe” everyone somehow.
Nor do I suffer fools anymore, gladly or otherwise. If someone can’t communicate in an upfront, timely, and respectful manner with me within the first week of the job, then they’re sure as helly helle not going to be able to do so later on. A work relationship is like any other relationship in that regard, and it’s important to establish mutually beneficial communication patterns and boundaries early on, because they’re only going to worsen with time if left unattended.
I’m getting to the point where I regard not just job interviews but also employment itself as a two-way partnership street: you have the right to terminate me if you see fit, but the same applies for me. If you as my employer aren’t meeting my needs, expectations and plans after I’ve made them abundantly clear, then your ass is politely fired. It’s not quite the same as quitting because it comes from a sense of empowerment. Firing one’s employer feels very different — it feels MUCH better than quitting. Trust.
Today marks the festival of Lugh, Celtic sun god. It’s traditionally a time of celebrating the first harvest, dancing around bonfires, and, strangely, horse-racing. Dr. Ding has never been very good at any sort of organized religion, whether mainstream or pagan or Buddhist, but I like Lughnasadh because a) you don’t have to wear pants* if you don’t want to and b) no one’s going to look at you funny, even if, say, you would happen to comically singe your naked buttcheeks jumping over a bonfire. Sure they’d laugh, but there would be absolutely zero funny looks.
To celebrate my new job (which I forgot to mention) and in honor of the holiday, I’m embarking today upon a marathon of Hulu.com crime drama-watching, diet Pepsi-drinking, and generally reposing on my benefice.
*Some would call this “pantsless” but I prefer the less pejorative term of “pants-free” or even the French “sans britches“. It’s a well-known fact that italicizing makes stuff French.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Bully for you on getting past that “Well, I’m just lucky to get the work so I won’t charge too much.” I’ve never gotten past that, and am I terrible salary negotiator. I wish I could get past that, and in general past that “I should be lucky to HAVE a job” thing. Maybe someday when I grow up.
Anyway, really just wanted to comment to say that I always read your posts when you plurk ‘em and always enjoy them. Thanks for sharing!
Darling GC:
It’s sometimes a difficulty that truly nice and decent people have…asking for what they need, followed by sticking to it. For what it’s worth, it took me years to figure out what my services were worth out in the open market, not just to others but to myself.
Thanks so much for reading and enjoying my posts, GC. You know I’m a major fangirl of *your* website as well as your plurks, too!
Dearest Darling Ding Ding Ding,
You never cease to amaze and inspire.
It is a continuing path for me to learn what I am and what I am worth – to myself, to my family at home, to my friends and lastly to my employer.
It took an old-fashioned, “we no longer need your services/don’t feel like you currently fit our needs/we hate you” firing from my job with Ginormous Texas Tea for me to realize how important it is to do what you like and like what you do. I now know what it means to enjoy working, like your co-workers and your boss, know that there is demand for me and most importantly know what it is ike to be appreciated, valued and respected.
Thirteen years later than I needed to figure that out, but decades before it is too late.
When you roll around in shit all day, the stink stays with you.
Good luck. As the Taoists say, don’t force it. Let it flow.
ndb-easy-le
Dearestest ndb-easy-le:
Well said, good sir. And your point about “Thirteen years later than needed [sic], decades before it is too late” is especially well-taken! So many folks don’t “get” this until maybe 5 years before retiring or finally transitioning into something more fulfilling.
I love that whole Tao idea…it’s omnipresent, and we’d do well to just get out of the way and not push the river most of the time. Okay, maybe ALL of the time.
I’m glad you excaped Texas Tea, but more importantly, that you found a work environment far more suited to your needs, talents and overall satisfaction.
Excellent.
Ding
Good for you, OWD. Personally, I’m not sure how much I’m worth, and frankly don’t think it’s much. Well, sometimes I think otherwise, though I chalk that up to my devilish lion’s ego (dang thing causes so much trouble – hah). Anyway, I accept responsibility for it (or lack of it), as part of me realizes/remembers, though another part of me irrationally hopes for more.
Pear Lady:
Dangit girl, I’ve met you and I know you’re worth more than what you think! This has bupkes to do with some sort of pathological ego thing, hon. I’m not going to give you advice (ya gotta write in to get that!), but I will offer you encouragement to treat yourself and your career as worthy of as much recompense as the market will bear!
Ding;
Your post could not come at a better time for me as I am currently at a very low point employment speaking. I’ve left my horrible yet deserved pay corporate job to make a go of it at something I enjoy. Unfortunately, it has been incredibly bad timing. I was working part time at the groom shop that promised me a job, only to be treated badly there ….sticking it out despite because I needed the money and then basically told they will call me when work picks up and thank you very much. So now we are almost peniless, interviewing like crazy for things we are way overqualified for because frankly there are just slim pickings right now. Today I’m going to talk to our local watering hole to see if I can get some kitchen work until I find something that will allow me to save up to own my own shop and be my own boss because ultimately I think that will make me the most happy.
So I needed to read your post because it gives me hope. I am talented, mad skilled and a giving and generous person. I’ve shoveled shit and washed dishes before and unfortunately may have to do it again. Is it what I’m worth? No, but sometimes you do what you gotta do.
J
DING, YOU FUCKING ROCK. There. In all CAPS even (I can’t write CAPS in lowercase–it’s too contradictory).
Congratulations. About all of it. But mostly the part about
-interviewing,
-expecting compensation and
-working
being a two-way street.
This cowering before the “man” (quotes for all the men I love who are so not the “man”) in the timid hopes of getting a job, meekly wishing for compensation enough to survive and groveling in servitudinal terror of being fired. Fuck that noise.
You deserve to be treated like the shrink-superforce that your are.
Amen and hallelujah.
Postscript: I’m an no-god-believing atheist skeptic but in your honor, I will Lugh it up for the rest of the day sans britches>/i>. For you.
Also, because…drumroll…we bought our tickets to Yurrup last night and I’m practicing imitation, lo-cal French for my 50th birthday celebration in Paris. Fuqueen Eh! Don’t you love my accent?
god. or whatever. i hate typos. (why doesn’t wordpress have a preview option?)
Postscript: I’m a no-god-believing atheist skeptic but in your honor, I will Lugh it up for the rest of the day sans britches. For you.
Also, because…drumroll…we bought our tickets to Yurrup last night and I’m practicing imitation, lo-cal French for my 50th birthday celebration in Paris. Fuqueen Eh! Don’t you love my accent?
JeAnne:
You’re still my hero. No matter how dirty the dishwater or shovelly the shit.
I know you will not only survive, but triumph.
Love ya, kiddo.
Ding
Epiphenita:
I damn near pissed my britches just now on account-a I got THREE comments in a row.
Congrats on the Yurrup tix! I’m so happy and excited for you and da missus.
Also: I am very pleased that you consider me a “shrink superforce” …this will totally be emblazoned on my spandex jumpsuit one day. My catchphrase you ask? “I, Ding, fucking rock. I know this for Epiphenita hath decreed it so!”. Sure, it’s a little wordy now but eventually it’ll be compressed into a single dolphin-click of information. Because my head will have grown so very large from all the positive feedback, you see, that I will morph into some sort of aquatic mammal who can echolocate and send compact data streams via clicks and various underwater farts.
Yes.
JeAnn, is this a people groom shop or a dog groom shop? Are you in Houston? Seriously, let me know.
I deal with this all time. I’m self employed and have to ask people for money everyday. Some people don’t want to pay but I really am worth it. My goal has been to be the best dog trainer in Houston and I think I’ve reached that it but I’m not yet the most expensive. That will be coming soon.
This all sounds so confident but I just about die inside every time I have to ask for my pay. At first I couldn’t even ask for the whole fee up front and had people pay week to week because I thought that would sound like they really weren’t paying that much for my services. I’m always waiting for rejection, humiliation and ridicule.
And if you head to California, Cesar is even more expensive- up to $800/hr. He’s a mediocre dog trainer (not just my assessment- really) but the reason he gets so much is his ego. He feels like he’s worth it and people pay. Ah, to be an overly macho, charming egomaniac.
OOH, me likey the post.
I have the sneaking suspicion that the reason women make less than men, on average, is because we don’t negotiate for higher salaries. From now on I’m gonna ask for waaaaaay more than I think I’m worth and let them haggle me down. And you know what? I betcha they’ll land on a number waaaaaay higher than I ever imagined they’d offer. I betcha.
Thanks, Doc!
I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re right. I’m glad you’re going to ask for way more than you think you’re worth. It’s the only way, in my opinion, to being effective haggling. Sort of the “foot in the door technique” where you ask for something kinda outrageous to stun the other person. Then, anything lower than the outlandish sum first cited sounds great to them and you’re off to some good negotiating.
I just commented on your GoogleAlerts…thanks for explaining this to us!
Ding – Thank You, Thank You, Thank You – to the power of 3. I think we are soul-mates. I think we have danced before. I think we are in for one hell of ride… and I see it, bless it and welcome it.
So glad our paths have crossed once more.
Your new / always sister…
~ JJ
JJ:
Bless you right back! And ya know, I get that feeling too, like this ain’t our first cosmic rodeo together. I think you’re a naturally gifted healer who honors the world with her gifts, and I feel privileged to be among those you call sister.
Note to everyone reading this: check out JJ’s blog at http://www.jj4tlr.com/jjblog/
BB
DD
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