The Call Of Nerdthulhu
This is where Dr. Ding is this weekend, loyal readers. The H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival and Cthulhucon in rainy, porny, cigarettey Portland, OR — the literal and spiritual home of every art history major that ever lived to ascend the cutthroat ranks of record-store assistant managership.
Portland? Is fucking bleak, dude. It’s like an entire generation or three smoked, like, waay too much ditchweed laced with PCP and now everyone is on a total, permanent bummer. I know this to be true because Portlandites wear faded hoodies and dark, sarcastic clothing and slump around in the rain with no umbrella.
The festival itself is more entertaining, which is part of why we try to attend every year. It is very, very nerdy up in the historic Hollywood Theater, and the air is redolent with the smell of unwashed gamers, patchouli’d-up hippies, and whatever it is that Goth folk use to make their hair stand up so purty.
The Beyoncé and I are ridin’ at least two hundred deep amidst the weirdos and malcontents. In fact, I would daresay that we could safely number ourselves amongst the “squares” and “The Establishment” here, man.
That is all.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
When Lightworking Isn’t Enough
Yeah, I said it.
First off, what the hell is Lightworking? Lightworking is considered a New Age concept and involves engaging meaningfully in positively transforming, expanding, and/or uplifting work where the intent is to better the universal consciousness through service. It entails a lot of clarifying of intention as well thoughts in general, consciously directing one’s energies and actions in a positive manner, and, well, some kind of non-sarcastic faith in something greater than yourself.
[For some really interesting and practical articles, see Steve Pavlina’s stuff online, or check out anything written by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D, or alternately you could sashay your hipster ass to your local bookstore and just kinda bumble around in the New Age section while trying to not let people see you, lest they think you hold out some kind of really uncool, totally non-ironic hope for humanity.
In truth, what we now refer to as Lightworking has been around for aeons. Case in point — neolithic peoples had shamans whose main responsibility was to connect the rest of the tribe to the Unseen Worlds for the higher and greater good of all. Why, even many longstanding organized mainstream religions contain elements of Lightwork. Imagine that. Lightworking can also be viewed simply as trying to act in a manner true to one’s essential nature as a being born of inherent divinity, light and good.
Betcha thought I was going to talk about “fuckery” and “kicking Dr. Phil’s ass” today, dintcha?
Ole Dr. Dingge E. Dingg likes to mix it up. I think I’m going to do a few Drunken Monkey kung-fu moves just to celebrate. That’s better.
Sometimes Lightworkers get into trouble when they encounter beings of, shall we say, less than such singular or positive intention. Such beings include: mean people, unspeakable monsters* and their ilk, overweening narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, and anything with the word “douche” or “asshat” attached. I think that about covers it.
My saintly old Gradual School advisor once told me “Ding, sometimes it’s really important to know how to intimidate people.” This, of course, freaked my lil pie-eyed, idealistic Universal Caretaker self right out and right into some excessively chunky shoes, a sweater vest that I won’t admit to owning but rather borrowing, a carton of mentholated Marboros, and this haircut, but that’s a story for another day.
I’ve met a lot of lightworking folk in the last year who could use a dose of protection from the Dark Side Of The Force’s minions. Luckily I’ve got Evil Manservant Jeebes to fight my battles for me. And if you’ll recall, EMJ is actually mostly all about this. If you’re too lazy to click, here I am quoting my own vainglorious ass in all its vain and assy glory.
Everyone should have an Evil Manservant. Either that, or everyone should personify all undesirable aspects of his/her psyche into a sneering, awkwardly formal yet diabolical valet.
Words to live by, people. Words to live by.
By now I’m sure you’re asking yourself What the hell is Dr. Ding on about? Or maybe Is she smoking the crack cocaines? Maybe she really is a lucite-heeled poledancer down at the biweekly Sons of Hermann Krackenkokainefest after all? Huh.
So stay tuned for our next exciting episode, where all shall be revealed. Next up: Self Improvement DIY: How To Make Your Very Own Intrapsychic Sith Lord For Fun And Profit.
*Cthulhu, mostly. I gotta admit, the rest of them have their moments.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Evil Alien Overlord Alert
This will have to be brief, my loyal Dinguses and Dingarians, for Dr. Ding is a gal on the go today. I will be flying the friendly skies, but….this just in: H-town is about to be overrun by a faceless sect of evil alien overlords. It’s all terribly exciting. As of this writing, none have spewed vomit, but one can only expect that this will be their next tactical maneuver.
I can’t WAIT to get another speeding ticket! It will be like the Clone Wars. Yes. Just like the Clone Wars.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
How To Throw A Party
Notice I didn’t say: How To Throw An Upscale New Year’s Rockin’ Eve Party. I also didn’t say How To Throw A Fabulous Party With Stylish Decorations. Blah blah. Check that kind of shit out at Martha Stewart’s website, or better yet, just spend the next six years of your life reading books on the topic.
Ooh. Snark.
1. You will need twice as much booze as food, or, in the event that you’re hosting an alcohol-free evening, twice as much soda/coffee/tea. Also, ice.
2. Don’t plan a bunch of stuff, such as a “guest list” or a “menu”. If you want to have a stilted, office-type party where everyone, meaning all three anal-retentives who showed up at exactly 6 p.m., admires your fucking placemats, well, bombs away. But allow for some interesting diversions.
3. Invite a wide variety of people a couple of weeks ahead of time very vaguely, in a “save the date” way, and follow-up a week after. The day before, try to get a head count. 2/3 of that number will be who shows up. Dr. Ding knows this contradicts #2, but you’re smart enough to interpolate.
4. For Girl Jesus’s sake, don’t run out to Bed, Bath & Beyond and get a bunch of matching paper napkins and plates. Nobody gives a rat’s rectum if your toothpicks coordinate with your curtains. Use real china, real flatware, real glasses. If you run out, appoint someone to wash dishes. Usually the drunkest person will be best-suited for this role, and it allows them to quietly barf into your Dispose-All, undetected.
5. At all costs, avoid red plastic cups. They not only look tacky in photographs, but martinis taste funny in them.
6. If you must serve food, make things that can be eaten while standing up and also while lying underneath the coffee table, crying to the strains of Bob Seeger’s Night Moves at 1:00 a.m. Lushes need nourishment, too. I highly recommend store-bought appetizers in industrial-sized quantities purchased from Costco or Sam’s Club-type places. Many IKEA stores also sell killer Swedish meatballs which look really retro-classy speared with a toothpick that has curly colored cellophane on top.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Dr. Ding Loves Weirdos And Malcontents
Happy Halloween peeps!
When The Beyonce and I went to Maker Faire a couple weeks ago I stumbled across an old-fashioned circus sideshow troupe performing. As I was standing there I found myself not reacting with the oohs and aahs that the crowd around me was making. In fact, I really didn’t feel grossed-out or titillated or even slightly flabbergasted. And then it hit me: the sideshow felt eerily familiar. Hmmm….now what could a circus sideshow remind me of….the con artists, the full-body tats, the antisocial behavior, the love of risk and danger, the unusually high tolerance for a marginal lifestyle? What ever could it be?
Working in a penitentiary with all those whacky criminals, that’s what! Step right up to the three ring bighouse show of mayhem, murder and generalized weird shit, ladiez and gentlemen!
I walked away, unimpressed but somewhat contented to have yet again walked amongst the freaks, weirdos and malcontents of this world and survived.
There’s only another 3 hours left on Halloween, so let your freak flag fly!
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Nurse, Dr. Ding Needs 100cc of Coffee, Stat!
Oh dear Lords of Kobol. It’s 11:22 a.m. Dr. Ding’s brain feels like a giant slug who has overdosed on weed killer.
Gaaah. More later.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |