Lordy Lordy Look Who’s 40
That’s right, you’ns. Dr. Ding is turning 40 tomorrow and I couldn’t be happier. Why? Read on, my gentle and very sexy readers.
1. Finally, I will have a smokescreen for my pottymouthed, irreverent and curmudgeonly behavior. People will just go “Oh, it’s probably just the perimenopause talking” and leave it at that, which then allows me to continue my bid for global domination unfettered by things like decorum. Or, quite possibly, a job.
2. I will be squarely in the zone of negative a-fuck-giving. I’ve been teetering between Not Caring One Whit about what others think and Not Giving A Tinker’s Damn, but rollin’ with the 4-0 heaves me into some hippy-zen kind of mental state where I’m all cool with letting the stream of life, like flow on by me, man. Wow. It’s just so….there, you know?
3. According to the ancient ways of my people* turning 40 entitles me legally to go swanning around whenver I feel like it while demanding that people pay homage by throwing glitter and the occasional set of rhinestone eyelashes.
4. Most people don’t know this, but being out of one’s 30s automatically imbues one with deep mystical wisdom, effortless grace, and the sudden ability to perform the Electric Booglaoo. Truth. Behold:
*Women who unabashedly adore drag queens, 1980s nighttime soap opera wardrobes, and pretty much anything with a reflective surface.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
For Lo The Fashion Apocalyse Is Nigh
Dear GirlJesus™:
Dr. Ding knoweth not what sort of crazed and hellish fashion conspiracy created these shoes. But please, oh please, by the power of Your Heavenly Silver Shitkickers, Platform-Style, remove these jazzy huarache abominations from the collective unconscious so that we will no longer be so afflicted by their creepy and highly punctured 1980s spiritual vibration. For they were fugly then, fugly now, world without end, amen.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
How To Be All Coolio, Just Like Dr. Ding
So there I was, toodling along the highways and byways of East Jesus Junction, TX (due south of Bumblefuck RFD), thinking to myself: Self, how can you, Dr. Ding, be cool? Not just cool, but supercool. Like, a Coolio level of cool. Should you get a gigantic, Wicca-bitch back piece that says “Blessed Be, Motherfuckers” in Olde English script? Or perhaps robin’s-egg blue Bettie Page bangs and an eyebrow piercing? The intolerably sensible-then-but-apparently-cool-nowadays stewardess haircut you briefly sported in 1985?
And then the holy Crackberry of Antioch did tremble to alert me of the following: @Diva_Ali had posted on her blog, the aptly-named Tiara Clink. “It’s about fricken time. Calloo! Callay!” I expostulated, with only slightly more drama than was neccessary, swerving comically to avoid hitting several crows feasting on an opossum carcass, and sloshing Coke Zero wantonly ‘pon my frock-coat.
Read the post and check out The Diva’s take on the Rock of Skank Tour. You will laugh. And even better: you will realize that you, Dr. Ding, and all the rest of us are waaaaay cooler than we thought, just the way we are.
Way.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
More Highway Robbery
Dr. Ding just lurrved Adam & The Ants back in the day. So here ya go.
Bandiddly qua qua! Bandiddly punk rock!
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Confessions of Dr. Ding
Bless me, GirlJesus™ for I have sinned.
These are my sins since the time of my last confession.
1. Forgot to blog about the death of Arthur C. Clarke.
2. Didn’t eat any Easter Bunny chocolate in honor of you and your awesome holy silver Go-Go boots. Plumb forgot.
3. Have been tormented by incessant recollections very bad 1980s hair-metal (not to mention entire K-Tel record and tape commercial soundtracks) and have complained vociferously to any and all who would listen.
4. I haven’t been honoring you and your Immaculate Heart of the Platform Shitkickers by celebrating your Last Brunch with the customary ritual of drinking an entire pitcher of frozen margs at Chi-Chi’s, followed by nachos con queso. Sorry.
5. Last, in order to exorcize myself of the Hair Lords’ hold on me, I’m inflicting this video on my unsuspecting readership. I do, however, resolve to go and sin no more and to amend my life as you would have me do, all Nancy Sinatra-style.
Amen.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
All I Wanna Do Is…
This song, “Paper Planes” has generated a lot of controversy, probably because it’s easy to miss M.I.A.’s message thanks to the incredibly catchy hook, not to mention her rocking of that sweet, old-school ripstop nylon jacket that your Mimi wore to the Shalom Retirement Village’s “Bingo Madness Party” circa 1989 . Which is totally different from Hipster Bingo.
The “Paper Planes” video works on at least a couple of different levels of sociopolitical critique and also invites the viewer to examine the more performative aspects of the big-ass bamboo earrings Dr. Ding coveted back in the summer of 1990. Which is reason alone to like it.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |