Lordy Lordy Look Who’s 40
That’s right, you’ns. Dr. Ding is turning 40 tomorrow and I couldn’t be happier. Why? Read on, my gentle and very sexy readers.
1. Finally, I will have a smokescreen for my pottymouthed, irreverent and curmudgeonly behavior. People will just go “Oh, it’s probably just the perimenopause talking” and leave it at that, which then allows me to continue my bid for global domination unfettered by things like decorum. Or, quite possibly, a job.
2. I will be squarely in the zone of negative a-fuck-giving. I’ve been teetering between Not Caring One Whit about what others think and Not Giving A Tinker’s Damn, but rollin’ with the 4-0 heaves me into some hippy-zen kind of mental state where I’m all cool with letting the stream of life, like flow on by me, man. Wow. It’s just so….there, you know?
3. According to the ancient ways of my people* turning 40 entitles me legally to go swanning around whenver I feel like it while demanding that people pay homage by throwing glitter and the occasional set of rhinestone eyelashes.
4. Most people don’t know this, but being out of one’s 30s automatically imbues one with deep mystical wisdom, effortless grace, and the sudden ability to perform the Electric Booglaoo. Truth. Behold:
*Women who unabashedly adore drag queens, 1980s nighttime soap opera wardrobes, and pretty much anything with a reflective surface.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Dear Dr. Ding
Dear Dr. Ding,
I am sad to hear of the current lack of inquiries requesting your idiosyncratic psychomological wisdomation on various and sundry issues of the mind, heart, body and soul. I could always use a bit of sarcastic wit directing me to move on, up and forward in the world as you always do.
I have been surfing the web via stumbleupon.com and run across a number of web sites that are dedicated to Scientology. Some of the information that I have found regarding the practitioners of this faith/ideology is a little scary and out there (coo coo for cocoa puffs type stuff), in my opinion.
There is one site in particular that has caught my attention. It is called Ex Scientology Kids. This is a site set up by people who were raised in families that had parents practicing scientology. Some of the stories they write are really amazing to me. Many of them identify that that they have been cut off from contact with all of the family still remaining in the faith because of their choice not to practice the faith.
Do you think this is a real religion? Do you think it is the religion that may be harming these young people or is it the people who are running the churches/organization? I know there have been abusive practices in most religious groups at some time in history because of the person in charge, how they interpret the religious texts and their greed. I know you and I have had discussions about some of the fundamentalist churches in the country that raise huge amounts of money, have gigantic congregations and rich leaders because of it.
Share, oh Dingy purveyor of all that is sarcastic and sardonic. I need to know the GirlJesus interpretation of this situation.
Yours Truely,
Sci-Fi Scared
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Friday Diatribe
AskDrDing hasn’t featured a good, ole-fashioned Friday Diatribe in a long time. Sometimes I write best when I’m pissed off.
And you know what pisses me off today? The following miscellany.
1. The startling revelation Cher is most assuredly not considered an archetypal figure by hardcore Jungians. Trust me – I’ve looked into this. And I’ll put it to you thusly: since when is one’s Sacred Inner Drag Queen not a powerful female archetype representing the enternal and triune power of glamour, ostrich plumes and sequins? It’s this kind of intellectual stubborness, this outright rejection of the sublime Inner Diva that grinds my psychological ass to a fine point.
2. Unless you’re a bodybuilder or a sucked-out methampehtamine addict, you’re not supposed to have giant, mutant, ropey antecubital veins. Madonna needs to eat a goddamned peanut butter-n-bacon sandwich and quit working out for like 6 hours a day or whatever the hell e. helle makes her look like the frigging she-Gollum she’s turning into. Mean it. Madonna: call me, we’ll go eat nachos. Stat.
3. Why aren’t Witchblade, Firefly, Arrested Development, The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr, or The Tick on TV anymore? Or G vs. E for that matter? Why are all the shows I like cancelled, especially the ones that either had a total whoopass heroine or an archly funny/truly original plot? Dear meanspirited, shortsighted Hollywood shark-jumpers: thanks for helping to lower the collective IQ of America by continually pulling the plug on all that is witty, hilariously abstracted and wildly inventive.
4. I’m really freakin’ tired of all this constant Getting Things Done (GTD) mentality that seems to be all over the interwebs these days with those young kids and their whoopin’ and a-hollerin’ and the hey nonny-nonny-ho. Whatever happend to just being pleasantly inefficient every once in awhile? Why, back in my day sometimes we’d just walk over and talk to people. In person, and without being attached to some robotic pseudo-implant distracting us with beeps, buzzes and intermittent crotch-grabs*. Sometimes taking a few minutes to daydream or wander gets you paradoxically faster to where you want to go, like a hobbit, but with less metatarsal hair involved. Dr. Ding dislikes the GTD mentality, unless you’re doing it my way.
5. And I’m spent.
*It’s called hyperbole and you learned about it in junior high. Look it up.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
The Big Wiggy
Hells yeah. Dr. Ding and her beloved beyoncé are going to BarCamp in New Orleans next weekend. Okay, well mostly it’s The Beyoncé who’s going to that, because let’s face it, the only part of BarCamp that remotely appeals to me is the “bar” part, and I’ve heard it’s QUITE the misnomer. But they’re doing good things post-Katrina, so yay for that.
Anywizzle. While he’s off nerding up the joint, I’ll be visiting the drag queen shrine of FiFi Mahony’s down in the Quarter. It’s just a few blocks from ze hôtel. I can’t tell you how excited I am. I first was turned on to the existence of said shrine by none other than the fabulous JeAnne, who owns at least one of their wigs.
I’ll try to keep myself in check for the next week but we all know how well THAT sort of thing usually goes. Not very.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
2007 Reflections, 2008 Dreams
Dr. Ding never was too good at New Year’s resolutions; I make them all backwards and counterintuitive-like.
Dr. Ding once made a resolution to eat a LOT more chocolate, and well looky looky…it’s good for you now! Cause and effect, to be sure.
Superheroine JeAnne posted this very clever set of questions from which I’m cribbing here. Rock on, girl.
1. What did you do in 2007 that you had never done before? – Took two cruises with a very dear friend. Swam with dolphins, a lifelong dream. Went to a conference in Laguna Beach. Started blogging in earnest. Joined Twitter and learned everyone goes out a LOT more than I do.
2. What countries did you visit? – Mexico, Jamaica, Grand Cayman Island, California.
3. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? – More free time. More naps. Getting back into sitting meditation. Regular workouts. More dates with The Beyonce. A truly stellar blog logo. Dingish t-shirts on sale in CafePress.
4. What was your biggest achievement of the year? – Tie: 1) Started investing money. 2) Completed 20 miles of the Avon Walk in Chicago, June 2007.
5. Did you suffer any illness or injury? – Couple bouts of flu. Epicondylitis. Racked my left Achilles. Two vein surgeries. Ew.
6. What was the best thing you bought? — Anything on Etsy, especially Surlyramics’ stuff. A Dremel set for The Beyonce. Memory-foam mattress topper.
7. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? – Happier, but tireder.
8. Did you fall in love in 2007? -- It seems like every other week I find out something entirely new and absolutely wonderful about The Beyonce. Despite his peculiar insistence on keeping the kitchen counters neat and clean, I remain In Love with him. I can’t help it. He heals me. Well, that and he’s a stone fox.
9. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? — Vintage 1987 drag queen-meets-former-GothPunk shitkicker, quietly supported by nerd glasses and Ex Officio underpants, and a team of Etsy.com artisans. Plus several pair of sweats from Target, black Uggs, and a penchant for t-shirts from The Mill and The Salt Dogs.
10. What do you wish you’d done more of? What didn’t you get in 2007 that you want for 2008? – I wish I’d gone back to the gym after my 2 surgeries, because now I’m very out of the habit. In 2008, I have the following goals and objectives:
1) Get married. To The Beyonce. In a FIERCE wedding dress. Not sure yet what rhymes with husband.
2) Figure out what rhymes with husband.
3) Plan a trip to Tibet, to take place within the next few years. I’ll be going with Dr. Kat and anyone else who dares accompany us.
4) Get up every day at 6 a.m. to meditate, pray to The Inner Silver Go-Go Boots of GirlJesus, do a lil’ yoga, walk.
5) Remain injury-free when I get back to weight lifting this Spring, and further, if I do get injured, find a neon-pink sparkly cold pack so that the whole experience is more festive.
6) Finish writing Drag Queens From Outer Space! Or: How I Learned To Love Managed Care™
7) Have a costume party for Halloween like I did back in the 1990s where everyone has to (more…)
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
I’m Goin’ To Tha Fridge
Meet Miz Penny Tration.
Lawdy. I love her and her eyebrows. Especially her eyebrows.
Eat mini marshmallows, y’all!
FIERCE!!!
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |