Dear Dr. Ding
Dear Dr. Ding.
Old and Opinionated
Dear Old And Opinionated:
Dr. Ding’s first reaction to this missive was “Your friend is a stone hoochie” but then I decided that this perhaps was insensitive and a tad hasty. Let me collect my thoughts, which have scattered like a misdiagnosed ADHD child overdosed on Ritalin because they should have chosen a college major by now or at least scored in the top 2% on their psychometrically invalid Exemplary School exams. What? Exactly.
Congratulations, OldOp–you’re friends with someone with poor judgement. Which you know. And she probably has some clue that her way of going about making major life decisions ain’t so hot, which is why she’s hitting you up for your input and, more accurately, your approval. You’re smart to not fall for it, but it certainly sounds like your efforts to not blurt out “Gah! What the fuck are you fucking thinking!” are putting a strain on the friendship.
Your friend is the kind of person who spends a lot of time worrying about what man is going to leave her next, and has difficulty being available as a friend because of all the drama she stirs up and then expects you to listen to. She probably fears other women will take her man unless she’s staked a babydaddy claim, which means she’s pretty damn insecure and probably is stuck at a pubertal developmental level. She views her role in romantic relationships as that of subordinate, or she may be conflicted about issues of healthy interdependence vs codependence. She spits out babies as a means to an end, which is fundamentally immature, egocentric, stupid, and financially unsound. It’s a way of wielding covert power, power she feels otherwise unable to access or utilize. There are probably some thorny daddy issues mixed up in this somewhere. I could go on, but I gotta charge ya for milkshakes as rich as this one.
It sounds like she’s not someone who shares your value system when it comes to relationship/parenting decisions. And admittedly, her ideas about reproducing herself aren’t exactly in alignment with my life ideals, either.
But.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Dear Dr. Ding: The Case Of The Poker Paradox
Dear Dr. Ding
Long time reader, first time seeker of irreverent wisdom… So dear guru, I find myself in a politically incorrect pickle in this day and age. A bit of background: dear hubby & I are the proud parents of 2 adorable, rambunctious girls (2 & 4) and a 3 year old doodle dog. We live in excessively PC suburbia working hard to get by. No violins necessary, but it ain’t easy keeping it all together either. My husband has a law-school buddy who has quarterly (more or less) Friday night poker games to which my dear hubby is regularly invited. I want to say, “sure, go ahead! We all deserve a night out!” But…. Here are THE RULES (somewhat shortened):
• Drinks: whiskey, martinis and expensive wine only (NO BEER); absinthe for the post poker beverage
• Food: catered (good food, actually)
• Cost: $250 – the poker is reasonable, no huge bets, no “all in”, cash only
• Woman Folk: Nope
• Babies & Pets: Nope
• Rides Home: Nope & cabs are hard to get – So, plan on crashing or staying very very late. Keys taken at the door.
All very reasonable, right? Only here’s my issue. When hubby goes to said poker night (this would not be the first time) he drinks WAY too much, smokes WAY too much, spends WAY too much money and is exhausted & useless for the entire weekend. And in the event that I make any complaints known, buddy boy host harasses me endlessly for being the nagging shrew, ball and chain, etc., etc. Hubby & I haven’t had longer than a 3 day vacation in 5 years, and no vacation is coming this summer. Money is tight and getting tighter. In view of all that, I’m torn. I want to say “NO WAY” to poker night and at the same time I know he could use a night out to let loose. What does the wise Dr. Ding think of said situation?
-Excessively Uxorial
Dearest ExUx:
Dr. Ding hasn’t seen the word “uxorial” in print since she last read a cozy British mystery about a murder in the vicarage, and truth be told, it’s a very underused word. For you poor benighted souls out there who don’t spend your precious free time reading about WASPS who commit exceedingly diginified murders know, it means “wifely” or, in the vulgate “wife-a-riffic”.
Yes.
I’m going to recommend an outrageously bifurcated course of action: I think you both could use some time away from the kiddoes and your various other responsibilities. But mostly I mean you.
The problem, as you’ve indicated by your own admission, isn’t really the poker night itself. The problem, as Dr. Ding defines it prior to 5 p.m. cocktails, is that you aren’t getting to have fun in this scenario. The solution, as Dr. Ding would likely define it after a few bone-dry Belvedere martinis, is that you need to have a “poker night” of your own. We will get to this later. Trust.
Furthermore: don’t worry about the “PC” aspects of this issue; you’re obviously a hardworking, clear-thinking professional woman and you are raising your girls to be independent, insightful and smart like yourself. Political correctness is not on the table here, because having disagreements with one’s spouse isn’t always about a big, gruesome, pre-feminist, 1950′s military industrial complex-styled, Marxist power differential replete with frilly apron, rampant political oppression, pearls, and Valium.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Dear Dr. Ding
Dearest Ding,
I am about to unleash my inner Darth Mul but I don’t want to jump the gun. I would like to hear your take on the situation. I am a busy lass-working full time, grad school, and planning a wedding. When I come home after class, work or any other event, my fiance rarely asks how things went. Nary a how was class? How was work? etc. He openly expresses his hatred of his job and does not want to talk about it. However, I like what I do and sometimes would like to talk about how I spend most of my waking hours. I am rarely if ever prompted to talk about my day or anything I do in my life. This frustrates me and when I try to start a conversation about anything going on, I receive a one-word, snippy-ass answer. I want to scream with frustration. The only time I feel we actually ”talk” is when he has had a few beers or we have something serious going on. Am I being ridic about this?? Thanks for your counsel.
I Want To Talk!
Dear I Want to Talk!:
You are not beng ridonculonk. I suspect you’re in a relationship with an unhappy person with whom you’re not well-matched, and who probably resents the fact that you’re actually a) happy and b) going places in life.
When I first read your letter my thought was this: O my gentle GirlJesus™ someone please poke this woman’s fiance with sharp stick to make sure he isn’t in a state of (more…)
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Dear Dr. Ding
Dear Dr. Ding,
I am sad to hear of the current lack of inquiries requesting your idiosyncratic psychomological wisdomation on various and sundry issues of the mind, heart, body and soul. I could always use a bit of sarcastic wit directing me to move on, up and forward in the world as you always do.
I have been surfing the web via stumbleupon.com and run across a number of web sites that are dedicated to Scientology. Some of the information that I have found regarding the practitioners of this faith/ideology is a little scary and out there (coo coo for cocoa puffs type stuff), in my opinion.
There is one site in particular that has caught my attention. It is called Ex Scientology Kids. This is a site set up by people who were raised in families that had parents practicing scientology. Some of the stories they write are really amazing to me. Many of them identify that that they have been cut off from contact with all of the family still remaining in the faith because of their choice not to practice the faith.
Do you think this is a real religion? Do you think it is the religion that may be harming these young people or is it the people who are running the churches/organization? I know there have been abusive practices in most religious groups at some time in history because of the person in charge, how they interpret the religious texts and their greed. I know you and I have had discussions about some of the fundamentalist churches in the country that raise huge amounts of money, have gigantic congregations and rich leaders because of it.
Share, oh Dingy purveyor of all that is sarcastic and sardonic. I need to know the GirlJesus interpretation of this situation.
Yours Truely,
Sci-Fi Scared
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Dear Dr. Ding
Dear Dr. Ding,
I just wanted to get your opinion. Recently I was scheduled to attend a
large family dinner over the Memorial Day weekend. Along with the dinner a
trip into the country to visit various family graves in small cemetaries
located out in a field was scheduled without my knowledge. I had to travel
several hours to get to this family function and stay with those who still
reside in the home town area. After driving for several hours I then had
to ride around in a car for another four hours. Would it have been
inappropriate for me to excuse myself from this part of the family holiday
plans? Along with the grave site tour we spent a great amount of time
touring down gravel roads stopping to see places where relatives had once
lived. Some of my cousins insisted on getting out of the car at each site
to take pictures of holes in the ground where a house used to stand or
barns leaning to one side with only half a roof. I myself do enjoy things
like studying family history but to me this did not seem to be informative
at all. I would much rather sit at the actual family dinner and listen to
the elders in the family tell stories about each other and what it was like
to live through their experiences. Am I a bad member of the younger
generation?
The BAD Daughter
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Dear Dr. Ding
I need you
r wisdom Dr. Ding. I have had a very weird dream this week that
is confusing to me. I shoot myself in the head about 4 times. It
doesn’t hurt and I am fine. The only thing I remember being concerned
about is that one of the wounds was on my forehead and others would see it.
In the dream I was worried about what I would tell others about what had
happened.
I don’t re
member feeling depressed or anything that would
make me want to hurt myself. I don’t think the process of shooting
myself was about killing me becuase that just doesn’t resonate with me.
I can’t figure out what it means. What is your intrepretation?
Hard Headed
Dear Hard Headed:
You think Dr. Ding has actual wisdom? May the Lords of Kobol and GirlJesus™ Herself bless you, but I suspect this assumption explains like 90% of your issues right there. I’ve got plenty of the following things: hair products, black clothing, red thumbtacks, the perfect moue of distaste when confronted with people that don’t think feminism is a good idea, KFC “fixin’s” and withering sarcasm. The whole wisdom thing is debatable and varies according to my mood, the planetary alignments, and whether or not I’m getting my fill of words that haven’t been used since Agatha Christie bought tampons.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |