Ask Dr. Ding

Starting at 8:00 a.m. Saturday this weekend, I will be taking a YogaFit teacher training course. It’s a 2-day course designed for beginning yoga teachers. I know. You’re as suprised as I am.

Dr. Ding probably hasn’t mentioned her sporadic interest in yoga much, has she? Probably because I’ve been a tad busy planning to subvert the New World Order by wearing as much glittery Urban Decay eyeliner as humanly possible, whilst simultaneously sexily infiltrating the neo-corporatized military-industrial complex and maintaing a high gloss on my GirlJesus Brand™ Go-Go boots.

Well, it’s true. I practice yoga, but not as often as I’d like. I’m hoping this teacher training gives me some added motivation to continue with my practice. I’m also considering starting to teach at some point. But rest assured my sugar dumplings…this will be no ordinary yoga class.

There will be a brief warm-up routine to the very spiritual sounds of The Weather Girls’ anthem “It’s Raining Men” followed by the rump-shaking “Work It” by Missy Elliot. Then, we will get down to the actual yoga, which will last only 20 minutes, because that is how long I like to do yoga. Short attention span, you know. There will be a compulsory 2 minutes of The Complimenting Of The Yoga Outfits, followed by a all-1980s cool-down, interrupted briefly yet magnificently with a single restrained outburst of slam dancing.

After class, we high-five each other, think very well of ourselves, and go out for a nice cocktail, or possibly some decaf latte and a brownie, before toddling home to bed.

This is how Dr. Ding does yoga, people. This is the Way Of the Ding.