Ask Dr. Ding

Dear Dr Ding,

I am inspired by your silver go go boots and wonder if you can help me find a matching pair for me (a formerly comfortable shoe wearin lesbian) and my little chihuahua dog. You can imagine how hard it is to find platform boots to fit her little legs, they’re about the size of a chicken wing without the blue cheese dressing. I wanna be more like Paris Hilton and think if I start dressing like my dog and I went shopping on Ro-day-oh drive I might put a little zing in my life.

Thanks for your fashion sense,
Sincerely,
Eunice in Eugene

Dear Eunice:

You sound like quite a character! Although Dr. Ding is a major supporter of comfortable shoes as well as all those who love them, she is delighted to learn of your desire to accessorize both yourself and your psychopomp so very GirlJesusly.

Might I suggest a shiny cape as well? Those folks on Rodeo Drive are bound to be mightily impressed, especially if said cape features a large, stand-up collar of Vegas Elvis vintage, replete with spangles. I hear the weather in Eugene can be a bit rainy, so you might find it useful to have a cozy spangled cape with lots of wind protection about the ears. Zingy!

For additional zinginess, check here to find suitable chicken wing-sized boots, sans blue cheese dressing.

Dr. Ding feels that Paris Hilton would benefit mightily from butching up a tad bit. Maybe she could take it slow, start by driving a Toyota Tacoma every once in awhile. After some practice at speaking without ending each sentence with a questioning inflection, she could later graduate to standing up straight, instead of tottering around in pointy shoes all pigeon-toed. Yes, butched up Paris would a major improvement indeed.

Shine on, Eunice, in all your go-go booted glory!